Couples therapy

Couples seek therapy for a variety of reasons – poor communication, lack of connection, family/work issues, parenthood challenges, incompatible sexual desire, and pre-marital counseling, among other concerns. Your relationship does not need to be in crisis in order to benefit from couples therapy. In fact, many of my couples have strong, loving relationships and are seeking therapy to further improve the quality of their relationship. Regardless of what may be motivating you to start couples work, the willingness to try is a genuine sign of strength in your relationship.

The foundation of my work with couples is based on Imago Relationship Theory. “Imago” is the Latin word for image. Imago Relationship Theory believes that there is usually a connection between current stress in romantic relationship, and stress experienced in earlier relationships. For example, if you often felt criticized, abandoned, smothered or neglected as a child, you are likely to re-experience this unpleasant feeling in romantic relationships as an adult. Imago therapists view the re-occurrence of this familiar, yet unpleasant experience in romantic love as an opportunity for healing and growth (Harville Hendrix, PhD & Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, Getting the Love You Want; www.imagorelationships.org).

Using a simple intervention called the Imago Dialogue, I teach couples how to slow down their thoughts and feelings in the moment. When you are able to slow down, you are better able to listen to your partner and to tolerate difficult conversation. As a result, my couples tend to experience increased understanding and empathy for each partner’s thoughts and feelings.

It should be noted that increased understanding and empathy for your partner does not mean agreement with them. With all of my couples, I emphasize the right to not agree with your partner’s perspective, and provide guidance on how to convey disagreement in a calm, respectful manner. Learning how to “agree to disagree” is a critical tool for maintaining a strong and enduring relationship. Conflict is unavoidable in even the healthiest relationships and I work with my couples on practicing how to defuse this inevitable conflict.